InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 6:57 PM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2025
Signed the paperwork today. Even though it’s just a formality, it feels heavy and sad. Something like seeing the casket put in the ground.
As the agreements have taken shape and the future has gained more clarity, I’ve been feeling more hopeful. I’ll give myself the place to feel this and then walk on.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
SadieMae ( member #42986) posted at 8:38 PM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2025
I’ll give myself the place to feel this and then walk on.
That is the best thing you can do. I wish you peace.
Me: BW D-day 3/9/2014
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020
Yay! A new D-Day on 11/8/2023 WTAF
Oldwounds ( member #54486) posted at 8:43 PM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2025
Hopeful is good.
Progress is good.
Feel those feels, take all the time you need to process it all.
I imagine it could be a while to heal up, but your wisdom and strength has got you this far, it will get you where you need to be.
Married 36+ years, together 41+ years
Two awesome adult sons.
Dday 6/16 4-year LTA Survived.
M Restored
"It is better to conquer our grief than to deceive it." — Seneca
Webbit ( member #84517) posted at 9:51 PM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2025
Oh Ink - big hugs to you. I remember (15 years later) how hard that day of signing those divorce papers were. I remember my ex husband and I both crying. I mean you already know it’s over but it’s the finality of it all. None of us get married with the intent of divorce.
I wish you nothing but the best for this new chapter of your life. Hopeful is a wonderful feeling when looking into the future 💚
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:59 PM on Wednesday, June 4th, 2025
It's such a strange experience to D. It made me feel I was completely out of my element. Even though I knew my M was over the finality of it all seemed so heavy. It takes time to heal from D as well as it takes time to heal from infidelity. Glad you are giving yourself grace and will process at your own pace. Wishing you a happy, bright and peaceful future ahead that will become filled with wonderful new beginnings and awakening of oneself.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:59 AM on Thursday, June 5th, 2025
Yes, I got in my car & cried after signing & filing for D. I cried when the court clerk called & said the judge had signed & we were D. It is very much like shutting the coffin & lowering it into the grave.
Allow yourself time to feel the feels. It's a grieving process.
I'm glad you're feeling hopeful.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 4:30 AM on Thursday, June 5th, 2025
It’s been a long, uphill road for you. Make sure you take the time to rest.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:30 AM on Thursday, June 5th, 2025
The feels are real. But the roller coaster is slowing down. Feel the grief and sadness. And then, when you are ready, take a deep breath and look at the future. It really will be bright.
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
FindingaWayHome ( member #78829) posted at 12:05 PM on Thursday, June 5th, 2025
HI IH,
Those words "it feels heavy and sad" communicate so much about the loss you are feeling.
But that loss expresses the love you felt (and possibly even in some smally way still feel) for her.
I hope that you experience increasing peace and hope in this sad process.
How are your kids travelling?
I recall your comment in a previous thread about them being a little stoic like their mother, but I can apprecaite that this may have some impact on them (as it does with you).
Hang in there brother - as you continue to process this moment and place, and remember that many people walk with you.
Blessings,
FAWH
NoThanksForTheMemories ( member #83278) posted at 11:58 PM on Thursday, June 5th, 2025
Congrolences, InkHulk.
Thank you for sharing these moments from your journey. I'm a bit behind you, but I'm planning to ask for a divorce next month, and it's really helpful to witness how you and others have dealt with that.
WS had a 3 yr EA+PA from 2020-2022, and an EA 10 years ago (different AP). Dday1 Nov '22. Dday4 Sep '23. False R for 2.5 months. 30 years together. Living separately as of Mar '25.
Ozzy1788 ( member #83108) posted at 11:09 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2025
All the best, IH. Can only imagine how hard that moment must have been.
Hope it really is the start of the next chapter for you.
waitedwaytoolong ( member #51519) posted at 11:21 AM on Friday, June 6th, 2025
There is life on the other side. Relax and move forward
I am the cliched husband whose wife had an affair with the electrician
Divorced
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:26 PM on Friday, June 6th, 2025
Big milestone, Ink. Everyone I know who has D'ed had mixed feelings at this point. I wish you the best, and I think the best part of your life is in your future.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 4:29 PM on Friday, June 6th, 2025
How are your kids travelling?
My stock answer to this question is they aren’t falling apart. They are hard to read sometimes, a mix of being pretty reserved and teenagers. Daughter is in therapy and she speaks highly of that. Sons have all been offered multiple times but show no interest.
I’ve begun to have parenting time alone now and I really appreciate it. My oldest son and I are spending a lot of time in the garage fixing motorcycles. I say if I’ve got the shitty parts of a mid life crisis I may as well get the benefits too 
It’s a shared interest that I’m excited to have found with him.
The kids are ok, not falling apart, some struggles in some areas. I’ll be keeping a close eye on them.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 8:54 PM on Friday, June 6th, 2025
Glad to see you found something for you and your son to bond over! That’s progress!
I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that you will land on your feet. There is much richness that can be found in transitions and struggle, and it’s time to reap the rewards of your tests.
8 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled
FindingaWayHome ( member #78829) posted at 10:29 AM on Saturday, June 7th, 2025
HI IH,
Thanks for the update.
It's great to hear that "The kids are ok...I’ll be keeping a close eye on them."
And I love the way that you are utilising this situation to connect with your kids.
I connected with my elder brother due to our shared interest in repairing our motorcycles.
It's one of my fondest memories of our relationship.
For some of us, working together is a way of dealing with the challenges of life.
It's also good to hear that your "Daughter is in therapy" and finding it a blessing.
I'm hoping that the two of you enjoy meaningful conversations about your personal and emotional insights.
Kind regards,
FAWH.
