SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So sorry about it all Gemmy.

Trickle truth is a beast. I trickled the truth as well. And even when it was/is all out, if asked something directly about the A (which I already disclosed) I instinctively struggled to answer honestly (although the truth is already out).
Disclosing what I had done has been the hardest thing in my life. It felt like fighting against my own brain and survival instinct.

One of the saddest parts when trickling the truth is that things could have been better for all involved if full truth was disclosed straight-away. Unfortunately, it feels genuinely impossible for some waywards to see that

Unhinged's suggestion of:

Here's a simple suggestion. Rent an apartment for six months. See what happens. Reduce all contact with your EXWW to texts and emails, no talking or sight. Cold turkey! Gray rock.

is excellent, although I would add one alteration and that being your STBXW (or is it ex-wife now, Gemmy? Did the judge sign the papers?) should be the one to move out- either to her parents/family or to a different short-term housing place.

Child visitation according to the previously agreed upon divorce settlement to lessen the amount of communication between the two of you.

Hopefully you and your STBXW/XW are in the financial position to do so. If the agreed upon divorce settlement called for your house to be put on the market and the proceeds split, well I'd recommend finding a realtor as soon as possible. For some reason I have a feeling that seeing a 'For Sale' sign in front of your house may knock out some more trickle truth from your STBXW... you know there's more after 14 years of lies, there's always more.

In a previous thread I suggested your wife was like the scorpion from The Frog and the Scorpion story... I'm sorry she stung you again. I really am. I also hate relating your immense pain to the pain of an insect sting but really no words would suffice. Stop giving her the power to hurt you even more. She's abusive and plainly... sadistic. Please get away from her.

Good luck on the paternity testing. Unfortunately, you will face more pain while awaiting the results with every conceivable worst case scenario running through your mind. Seriously, have someone with you that you trust when you open up the results.

I am very sorry to hear this, Gemmy. I do not have any words of advice, other than affirmations that others have shared to follow your intuition. There really are no words that can offer a salve, but just know the way you are open to experiencing your feels will provide the pathway towards your own healing. Keep writing as I suspect you find it cathartic in the same ways I do. It’s not okay today but it’s going to eventually be okay. For now just keep letting it out.

"full truth now" sure. End of January not December, so right in the conception window. Oh and they discussed being worried it was his while she was pregnant.

"full truth now" sure.

Until the next drop, that is.

End of January not December, so right in the conception window. Oh and they discussed being worried it was his while she was pregnant.

Simply diabolical.

So she added paternity fraud to the list. It's hard to imagine how you feel with this information, but I don't think I would need to know anything else.

[This message edited by Itiswhatitis000 at 8:48 PM, Friday, November 13th]

So I guess she found out she was pregnant some time in March or April. Which lines up with idea that her A lasted for 6 months after your wedding. And I suppose that her pregnancy was the reason they ended things…

I’m so sorry, Gemmy, this is really awful news and you must be stressed beyond belief.

I’m so sorry. If they were worried it might be his, then she was lying to you about his having a vasectomy.

How painfully awful, Gemmy. I imagine you're feeling pretty shattered right now. Focus on taking care of yourself right rather than any big decisions. This is another deep wound. My heart goes out to you.